#78 – Here be monsters!

I am very displeased with you human!

I am very displeased with you human!

OK, now I am really, really annoyeds with the human!

See, today was a lovely day and we were having a really, really nice happy moochings walk and I was feeling all happy and relaxeds.

Lovely new smellies!

Lovely new smellies!

We went someplace new and it was really interestings and there were lots of new smellies. All that was lovelies,  we were coming back home again, and we were walking the old way and everything was fine.

Help, it's a big scary monster!

Help, it’s a big scary monster!

Then suddenly, there was this really funny noise and this monster comes running out of the bushes and starts chasing me! So, of course, I starteds running for my life ’cause I thought it wanteds to eat me. The human said they haven’t seen me running that fast for years!

Run faster human, it's going to get us!

Run faster human, it’s going to get us!

The human had to hurry after me to make sure I didn’t run into the road when we got to the end of the safe bit. I was so frighteneds that I wouldn’t even stop when she told me STAY – I just started walking slowers so the human could catch up.

I was nearly eaten by a monster, why are you laughings?!

I was nearly eaten by a monster, why are you laughings?!

Would you believe that, once the human put me back on the lead, instead of asking me if I was OK and feeling sorry for me for getting such a shock, she laugheds at me! I mean the nerve!!!

Is the monster gone?!

Is the monster gone?!

She said there was no monster at all, it was just a little, bitty baby horse and called me a big wuzzy! She said the horse was more scared of me than I was of it – or at least it would be if I wasn’t such a scaredy cat. The nerve, I bet if something ten times as big as her came out of nowheres and starteds chasing her, she’d be runnings too!

What's this talk of scaredy cats?!

What’s this talk of scaredy cats?!

I told Jade about the scaredy cat comment and she’s annoyeds with the human too, ’cause she says she’s not scared of anything! If Jade decides to scratch the human for being cheekies, it’ll serve her right.

Keeping a nose out for monsters now.

Keeping a nose out for monsters.

Anyhows, there was someone there catching the baby horse, so I hopes it’s safe to go walkings there again soon. But I’m going to keep a careful look out, just in case.

It’s a good thing I have a good healthy heart I says…

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#77 – Super busy week!

Being famous is exhaustings!

Being famous is exhaustings!

I know I promised to be a bit less grumpies, but I tells you sometimes it’s hard.
Wouldst you believes the humans drove me ages in a car – even though they knows I don’t likes it at all, then made me stand under a dripping tree in the rain for ages and ages. And then to add insult to injuries, they locked me into the front of the MADRA van with Stella ’cause they said I was getting too wet and cold and they thought I would be more comfortables in there. How am I meant to beg treats off of people when locked into the MADRA van humans?!

The Canine Carnival was in a lovely spot, but I didn't get time to sniff it much.

The Canine Carnival was in a lovely spot, but I didn’t get time to sniff it much.

It was all part of my helping with the Canine Carnival. This was the first time the human brought me along, ’cause last time the Carnival was on years ago I wasn’t famous yet and they didn’t think I’d likes it. But this time I had to come along and say hello to everyone. I owes a duty to my fans you see and don’t want them to be unhappies ’cause they missed me. (OK, I admits it, I was thinking of all them lovely treats that neededs eating too.)

Lucky human just bought my new mug!

Lucky human just bought my new mug!

There was also the important job of launching my lovelies new MADRA Jasper mugs. They’re made speciallies for all the peoples who thinks I’m lovelies, but aren’t luckies enough to have me as their own doggie. So they can buy my mug and see me every single day and help raise monies for rescue doggies at the same time. It’s a real win win situation all round! (I wonder do I gets commission in treats too?!)

What lovely, lovely mugs!

What lovely, lovely mugs!

I hears I might have another guest spot in the new MADRA calendar too, so watch this space!

I don't mind cars as much as I used to. I got my seat belt on too!

I don’t mind cars as much as I used to. I got my seat belt on too!

It meant drivings in a car for ages and I might have mentioneds that I don’t likes driving in cars at all. I used to really hates it, but I got used to it a bit more, so now I just don’t likes it much.

It's importants to let your fans say hello (and let them give you treats!).

It’s importants to let your fans say hello (and let them give you treats!).

But it was a good day too, I got to meet lots and lots of people and dogs and most of the dogs weren’t even annoyings, so I didn’t have to tell them off. And while I was sitting under the trees, everyone came up to say hello to me and slip me treats while the human wasn’t lookings. So I quite enjoyeds myself.

This Llama came to visit, he was OK.

This Llama came to visit, he was OK.

We also had another visitor before that, they said he was a dog, but I thinks he was a Llama. Anyhows, he was only meant to stay for a few hours, but ended up staying a whole day and night! He wasn’t too annoyings, so I just ignoreds him until he went away again. I even let him play with my toys and the humans said they were mega proud of me for being such a good doggie and host.

The humans say they're proud to be my humans.

The humans say they’re proud to be my humans.

They even bought me a new ball to rewards me, so I may let them bring another doggie around sometime in the future when I need new fun stuff!

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#76 – Appreciating the good things

It can be easy to feel sorry for yourself, but you should try not to!

It can be easy to feel sorry for yourself, but you should try not to!

The humans have pointeds out that I sometimes come across as a bit grumpy when posting my training tips. They says I’m really not showing off my best sides them times, because in reality, I’m not really grumpy at all and I usually enjoys my life lots. I’m really embarrasseds to admits it, but I think they got a point.

It can be hard to not be grumpies sometimes.

It can be hard to not be grumpies sometimes.

See, like most peoples, I don’t appreciates the OK times as much as I should and I takes them for granteds. And then when I gets a bit annoyeds about something, I feels more strongly about that and takes the time to write about it. I suspects most peoples are like that and that’s why sometimes this Internet thingy can seem like there’s only annoyeds and unhappy people on it, when really that’s not true at all.

I wants to be rememereds for being wonderfuls, not grumpy.

You got to remember the good stuff.

So I’m going to try very, very hard to makes sure that I writes more about the good stuff and being happies too and not come across as a grumpy old fogey doggie, like the humans say I sometimes do. ‘Cause nobody wants to be remembereds as a grumpy old fogey!

Thank you humans for waiting for me even when you don't feels like it.

Thank you humans for waiting for me even when you don’t feels like it.

This internet place can sometimes make you think that life is full of horrible people and doggies and that everything is horrible and stuff. But that’s not really true when you thinks about it. Just no one thinks to tell the good stories so much, like:

Human walks doggie every single day, even when it rainings and the doggie is walkings extra slowlies.” or “Human takes doggie to the vet and buys him good food to make sure he’s healthies, even if it means the human is short of monies after.

It’s all the bad stuff that gets shareds instead. And there is lots and lots of bad stuff out there, like neglecting doggies and dumpings them and hurting them on purpose. And that’s not even starting on what you humans does to each other…

Happy about all the good people out there!

Happy about all the good people out there!

BUT, there’s also lots and lots of good people doing nice stuff for us doggies and each others, just ’cause they can and knows we needs it. Like, I was rescueds, just like hundreds and thousands of other doggies were, all because some nice humans decideds that us nelgected doggies needs help too and takes the time out of all of the other stuff they could be doing instead to help us out. And lots and lots of lovely people are helping them to help us by giving monies and donating things and bakings and stuff like that to makes sure we can have everything we needs to make us happies.

And there’s so many lovely, wonderfuls people who decide to adopts a doggie instead of buying one, just like my people adopteds me long, long ago.

Every human and doggie deserves a proper home of their own.

Every human and doggie deserves a proper home of their own.

See, all of us doggies wants the same thing, which is to be safe and warm and well feds and loveds and to go on lots of nice walkies and have a human to play and spend time with. Some of us haves to lives in the kennels for a while, which is OK, but in the end we all deserves better and dreams of a home of our own.

Sometimes you got to share your luck with other peoples too.

Sometimes you got to share your luck with other peoples too.

Sometimes that means that us luckier doggies have to share for a bit, but that’s OK too, ’cause no one wants to live in something like a kennels for very long. I mean, you might be safe and warm and fed, but it’s not proper livings. And everyone, doggie or human, should get to do some proper livings for most of their life, not spend their day wishing for better things to come along.

Thank you my wonderful humans, I loves you!

Thank you my wonderful humans, I loves you!

So, I’m going to go and give my human a big lick and you doggies and humans should go and lick each other too. ‘Cause you’re all wonderfuls for helping to make life better for someone in this world, even if it’s only a little bit.

The humans say it's OK to be a little grumpy.

The humans say it’s OK to be a little grumpy.

I can’t promise to never, ever complains about anything again, but I’ll try to remember how luckies I am more often. The humans say it’s OK if I’m grumpies just a little bit, ’cause they loves me anyhow…

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#75 – Help, baby dog!

What am I meant to do with her?!

What am I meant to do with this baby dog?!

I thought having Violet visiting was bad enough, but then the humans went altogether crazies and decided to foster a pupster! I mean, they knows I likes to keep my distance from pupsters, ’cause, just between me and you, I think they’re slightly scaries.

Help, it's a pupster.

Help, it’s a pupster.

See, I met kittens before when I was young and their mothers are scaries, so I’m sure that pupsters all have scary mothers hiding in the background too, ready to come out and bites you if you looks at their baby the wrong way. So I’d rather not go near pupsters at all,  just in case. Annoyed mamas are the scariest thing evers!

5 minutes in the house and she stole my chewie. (I admits it was a boring old one, but it was still mine!(

5 minutes in the house and she stole my chewie. (I admits it was a boring old one, but it was still mine!)

The humans was completely meanies and didn’t care. They said: “Tough Jasper, she’s only a baby and you got to be nice to her.” And then they wouldn’t even hide my toys like the last time, ’cause they said that babies need to play and they knew I wouldn’t bites a baby for taking my toys. Takings advantage of my good nature I calls it!

Baby pups are clingies.

Baby pups are clingies.

So, I had to put up with annoying baby dog all week! She was annoying too, you wouldn’t believe how she screameds if the humans left her alone for two minutes. I never screameds like that in my life.

Let me explain again how to behaves, little pupster.

Let me explain again how to behaves, little pupster.

Spoilt I calls it, when I was a pupster I was gratefuls for any attention I got and didn’t expect to get it all day long. And I couldn’t imagine ever being that clingies, I mean I loves my humans lots, but I’m not going to follow them around all day and night. We both needs our own space.

Watch me carefullies and you'll soon have the hang of this toilet training business.

Watch me carefullies and you’ll soon have the hang of this toilet training business.

And she needed so much watchings! We had to get up in the middle of the night to bring her out ’cause she couldn’t manage all night without going to the toilet. And she tried to chewies on everything! And the humans kept tripping over her all the time, ’cause she followed them around so much, so they had to put a cat bell on her so they could hear her.

Don't even think about it!

Don’t even think about it!

The worst thing was, she kepyt trying to bite my ears and my tail and stuff and steal the chewies from right under my nose. So I had to tell her off all day long and, would you believe the nerve, she called me her grumpy uncle Jasper!

How could you do this to me humans?!

How could you do this to me humans?!

I’m not grumpy, I just expect some basic manners when you visit me pupsters! The cats agrees with me, they spent all day outside while she was here. Or hiding upstairs on the tall bed.

Exhausted after taking care of pupsters.

Exhausted after taking care of pupsters.

Anyhows, I was feeling a bit upset with the humans, but I forgives them, ’cause they realised they owed me big time.

Bubbles make up for anything!

Bubbles make up for anything!

So today they took me on a lovely walk and we found a lovely grassy bit and they blew bubbles for me until the packet was empties. It was really, really, REALLY lovelies and I forgives them anything after that.

I could even put up with another baby if it meant this much fun!

I could even put up with another baby if it meant this much fun!

It nearly made me want to get another pupster, so I can have so many bubbles after, but maybe not this year…

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#74 – Foster dog visitors

The humans are softies when it comes to big doggies eyes

The humans are softies when it comes to big doggies eyes

You might have seen on the Facebook place that we’ve had companies. The humans get these ideas sometimes, like that it would be good for me to share and have a visitor and stuff.

I likes hanging out with my friend on my walk, but that doesn't mean I wants to live with them!

I likes hanging out with my friends on my walk, but that doesn’t mean I wants to live with them!

Just between you and me, I much prefers it when it’s just me and the humans and the cats. I don’t need another doggie to keep me happies. I mean I likes meeting doggies on my walkies and saying hello, but then I’m perfectly happies to say goodbye and go home and spend time with my humans.

The humans says we get to help the poor homeless doggies, 'cause I was once a poor homeless doggie too!

The humans says we get to help the poor homeless doggies, ’cause I was once a poor homeless doggie too!

But the humans get these ideas and sometimes you got to humour them. And they says that I shouldn’t be selfish, ’cause I’m really, really lucky and have good humans and some doggies don’t. So they say it won’t hurt me to share a teeny, tiny bit. I guess they got a point…

Doggie visitors never know their place!

Doggie visitors never know their place!

I got to say, this time the doggie visiting was OK. I mean we got some really, really, REALLY annoying visitors before. The kind that pees on your stuff ON PURPOSE! And bullies you and pushes themselves in front of you and tries to take overs and chases your cats. I really don’t likes that kind of dog – no one wants to be bullieds in their own house!

I let Violet have the softer bed, 'cause she's skinny!

I let Violet have the softer bed, ’cause she’s skinny!

So, Violet, our visitor this time, was really OK as far as doggie visitors go. At least she had manners. I didn’t loves her, but I didn’t hates her either. She was a little bit bad with the cats, ’cause she thought it was fun to chase the scardie ones, but she didn’t actually want to hurt them. And she didn’t try to push me around. She did steal my comfier bed, but I let her ’cause she was super skinnies and needed it more than me. I can manage with the second best bed.

Violet was a bit fed up with me walking slow - tough I says!

Violet was a bit fed up with me walking slow – tough I says!

The worst thing about her was that she walked too fast and made the humans think I should be walking faster too. You see, they been excusing me walking slow ’cause I’m older alreadies, but it turned out she was just as old, if not older, than me and she still walks really fast. So she kept giving me looks for being too slow and making her wait for me. I mean the nerve!

Not barking is over rateds!

Not barking is over rateds!

And the humans said she was nice ’cause she didn’t bark at all. Just between you and me, I know I barks too much sometimes, but there’s no need to rub it in! I got other qualities – like I actually sits when the humans tells me, not just when the humans are waving snackies around!

Anyhows, here’s my tips for having a foster dog to come and stay with you:

Going for a walk together before you all go home is a good idea.

Going for a walk together before you all go home is a good idea.

# First of all, you should meet the new doggie in a nice place like on a walk the first time, as you should meet and get to like (or at least tolerates) each other before you all go home together. No one wants some complete stranger walking through the door and making themselves at home!

You got to make sure the garden is safe for visitors.

You got to make sure the garden is safe for visitors.

# Walks around your garden and make sure all them places you wouldn’t dream of escaping from, ’cause you are a GOOD doggie, are also safe for stupid foster doggies, so they can’t get out and get lost. Some of them doggies are pure dummies when it comes to escaping.

Finally got all my toys back!

Finally got all my toys back!

# Get the humans to pick up all your toys and stuff you loves and put it away someplace safe. NO one wants some strange person they never met before messing with all of their stuff. Besides, some stupid doggies thinks they got to break everything. The humans say put away anything that is likely to be a flash point so you won’t have to argues.

Giving everyone treats in a safe way is a good way of making sure everyone gets along.

Giving everyone treats in a safe situation, like with the doggie in a crate,  is a good way of making sure everyone gets along. All of us animals thinks anyone who means more treats got to be OK!

# If you got cats like me, make sure that the doggie only meets them on the lead at first, even if they were OK with cats before. Introduces everyone slowly and gives the cats a nice safe place to escape to if they’re feeling scareds. Get the humans to put the doggie into a different room or a crate when they can’t watch them. Better to be safe than sorry!

Take your foster doggie out to the toilet every couple of hours and make sure they go.

Take your foster doggie out to the toilet every couple of hours and make sure they go.

# Even if the foster doggie was toilet traineds already, tell the humans to treat them like a new puppy and take them out to go to toilet every few hours at first until you got a new routine. None of us likes having accidents in the house, but all the change and confusion can upset even the best trained doggie.

Make very sure the foster doggie can't steal your food!

Make very sure the foster doggie can’t steal your food!

# Make sure the humans feed the foster doggie and you existing doggies separately and be very careful when handing out treats and stuff. Some doggies really don’t like to share their food with another dog!

Make sure there are plenty of beds, or the foster doggie will steal yours!

Make sure there are plenty of beds, or the foster doggie will steal yours!

# Make sure you got plenty of beds!

Don't let the humans forget that YOU are their best doggie evers!

Don’t let the humans forget that YOU are their best doggie evers!

# Don’t let the humans ignore you in favour of the new doggie. Humans might be like a kid with a new toy when a new doggie comes in, but they should remembers that you are their number one dog and make sure you get some one on one time.

Rewarded for doing a wonderful job!

Rewarded for doing a wonderful job!

# Give yourself a big scratch on the backside – you putting up with an annoying other dog means that dog gets to have a new home and live a happy life after ’cause you taught them how to behave in a proper home. That’s a really important job and you did it!

Posted in cat, cats, Dog rescue, dog training, Dogs, fostering, photography, positive training, shelter | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

#73 – Shameful neglect of doggie!

Poor little doggie...

Poor little doggie…

Poor Jasper doggie, the humans haven’t been grooming me properlies and now I got an itchy spot on the back of my leg! You see, I got a mostly wiry coat that doesn’t really come out if you brushes it, so the humans gets a bit lazy about brushings. But on my back legs, ever since I was shaved to have my operations, I got some proper, really thick and fine short hairs and they gots a bit matteds and stopped my skin from breathings properly. So I got an itchy spot ’cause them neglectful humans didn’t brush me enough!

All this hair was under my tail!

All this hair was under my tail!

The humans noticeds me bitings at it today and had a look and then felt guilties and so they should. I got a red and itchy spot! Terrible neglect of doggie that is! They cut away the bittie around the itchy spot and put on Aloe Vera, which was nice and soothings, so I feels better alreadies. Then they spent ages brushing my back legs properlies- you wouldn’t believe the amount of hairs they got out of there!

You got to use the right brush or you might as well not bother!

You got to use the right brush or you might as well not bother!

They had to use that Furminator they got for the cats instead of the rubber zoom groom brush they usually uses on me, ’cause that doesn’t work on thick bits. ‘Cause they brushed and batheds me with that last week and missed that matted bittie completely. Sheer carelessness I calls it!

This gotta be worth at least ten treats!

This gotta be worth at least ten treats!

There were treats involveds too, ’cause you can’t expect a doggie to put up with brushing and brushings for no pay. So I’m feeling much better alreadies.

Woe is me, you better give me a biscuit!

Woe is me, you better give me a biscuit!

But I reckons the humans owes me for being so neglectfuls, so I’m going to give them some sad eyes in the hopes I can get extra chewies and treats out of them while they’re feeling guilties!

It's importants to make sure your doggie is happy and healthy!

It’s importants to make sure your doggie is happy and healthy!

I know, I know, the humans are wonderful reallies and some doggies get left with so much itchies they got no fur left at all. But I’m only doggie after all and a doggie gotta take his chances at beggings when he can! Where’s the photo of the itchy spot you say? Err, would you believes it’s too horribles to show you? OK, OK, I admits it, it’s so small you can’t really see it in a photo, but it’s the principle of the thingie…

So humans, make sure you looks after your doggies properlies and that they doesn’t get any matted bits, even your short haired doggies. Or you’ll have to put up with your doggie’s sad eyes!

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#72 – Lucky to have good humans!

I got it good next to a lot of doggies!

I got it good next to a lot of doggies!

I know I complains about the humans sometimes, but I’ve been hearing some sad stories about people being nasty to doggies and just not caring for them latelies and it made me remembers how really, really, REALLY lucky I am! ‘Cause some peoples are just shamefuls and thinks they can do whatever they want to us doggies and hurt us and dump us and use us to make monies and not care if we gets sick and stuff. My humans might be annoyings at times, but I knows it’s only because they cares about me and wants me to be OK. So I forgives them for taking me to the vet for my boosters and giving me a bath last week…

Especially since they took out this lovely, lovely bubble machine today and lets me play with it! Man I LOVES bubbles! They’re one of the best things ever. I even likes the taste!
The humans never let me have enough of them though, ’cause they say I gets overexciteds and yaps like a Chihuahua and jumps around so much they’re afraid I’ll ouchies myself. And they say if I swallow too many bubbles I’ll ends up being able to blow bubbles myself. (Sounds wonderful to me!) They say everything in moderation, which I thinks is a stupid idea myself, but they got the batteries…

This is my just had bubbles face!

This is my just had bubbles face!

So humans, I loves you, but please give a poor bored little doggie more bubbles so he can feel truly, truly luckies!

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#71 – Training the humans

You got to let the humans think they're in charge!

You got to let the humans think they’re in charge!

Would you believe the human is giving training advice to other humans at MADRA days and stuff now?! I haves to laugh, ’cause I taught her everythings she knows about doggies! I was the very first doggie the human ever had and, before she got me she knew NOTHINGS about doggie trainings! It’s me who should be giving the other humans advice on how to train a human to keep a doggie happy!

I had to learn a lot of stuff at first.

I had to learn a lot of stuff at first.

I admits it, in the beginning the human had to teach me loads of stuff, so I could be a well behaveds doggie and not hurt myself, or do anything too stupids, or annoy the humans too much.

I got them humans under my thumb!

I got them humans under my thumb!

But in the last few years, I got much, much better at training them than they are at training me. Ever since I ouchied my legs, I’ve been able to wrap them gullibles humans around my little toesies.

You gott a know how to manage the humans ;-)

You gott a know how to manage the humans 😉

Any time I don’t feel like walking their way, I just has to look sad and sit down as if my legs are ouchies and they immediately stops and waits for me and worries that I’m hurting lots. And if they keeps on walking the wrong way, I just pretends my legs are feeling really, really ouchies and I haves to go really slowlies.

Surely you can't force a poor little ouchy doggie to walks in the rain?!

Surely you can’t force a poor little ouchy doggie to walks in the rain?!

I got them traineds up so well by looking sad that they hardly ever forces me to go the way I don’t want to anymore and they let me stop and sniff and pee most of the time.

That vet is a tattle tale!

That vet is a tattle tale!

I got them humans so well fooled that, when I had my boosters they asked the vet to check all my legs extra speciallies, just to make sure I wasn’t really ouchies, ’cause they say I’m getting slower. That sneaky tattle tails vet told them that they couldn’t find anything wrong with my legs considering I had two cruciate operations and they don’t think I’m really very ouchies at all! And I spent ages trainings the humans to believe I was a poor ouchies doggie who should get to go my way. The humans now realises that I’m sneakies, but I think I got them trained well enough at this stage to let me go on going my way, even if they don’t think that I’m really ouchies anymore.

I'm on to them humans!

You can’t win them all, but you can try…

Some doggie never realises they can train the humans and just goes on doing what the humans wants them to, but not me, ’cause I’m smart AND stubborns! I never forgets anything, so if I gets away with something once, I remembers and keeps on trying until I gets my way again. The humans are pretty easy goings, so I manages them pretty well for the little stuff.

You got to pick your battles with the humans.

You got to pick your battles with the humans.

They never lets me get away with the important stuff of course, like anything that could hurt me if I did it. And they are still REALLY mean with giving me food and stuff, ’cause they say that it’s importants that I don’t get too fat, so the big eyes don’t always work. But you can’t win them all I guess…

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Danger Keep Away!

The human is trying to cod me!

The human is trying to fool me!

People, I needs you to help me settle an argument.
The humans say that this sign means that this lovely box is dangerous and I shouldn’t go near it in case I gets an electric shock (I’m not sure what that is, but think it has something to do with cat fur… ). But I KNOWS it says: “Doggies, pee here please” and the arrow is to mark the spot where us doggies are supposed to pee.

I'm sure it says

I’m sure it says “doggies pee here”!

I knows this because every single one of these lovely boxes smells like every other doggie who passed it peed on it alreadies. Their humans surely wouldn’t let them pees on it if it was dangerous, so I thinks my human is just lying to me ’cause she gets annoyeds when I stop to pee too much. Please tell the human not to be so mean and deceitfuls and to let a doggie pee where he wants to. Thank you humans!

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#70 – Bed thieves – free to good homes!

Sick of having to sleep on the floor!

Sick of having to sleep on the floor!

OK now, I’ve had enough of them stupid cats. I don’t know why the humans puts up with them, ’cause they’re just annoyings!

Shameless Blossom!

Shameless Blossom!

You might have seen that Blossom went missing for over two weeks latelies. I mean really, how unreliabes can you get cats? You knows that the humans get upsets if they don’t know where we are all the time and you still goes missing! That kind of behavious is just not acceptables stupid cats! Of course, Blossom says she got lost and it wasn’t really her fault, but if she was carefuls she wouldn’t get lost in the first place. I never gets lost ’cause I’m smart and I knows the humans can’t manage without me.

Excuse me, that's MY bed!

Excuse me, that’s MY bed!

All of that wouldn’t be too bad, ’cause it only upsets the humans. But the worst thing about cats is that they are the biggest bed thieves evers! Every time I turn around, there’s a cat in my bed and I has to sleep on the floor (or the less comfortable bed… ).

OK, OK, I'll just sleeps on the floor...

OK, OK, I’ll just sleeps on the floor…

Jade even tries to climb into bed with me when I’m already sleepings in it and when I growl at her she just ignores me and climbs in anyhows. She says she doesn’t mind sharing the bed with me, but I likes to sleep alone. So I has to leave and go and sleep someplace else…

But I wanteds to go for a ride...

But I wanteds to go for a ride…

And she’s even stolen my new Jasper trailer, she just sleeps in it all day and when we wants to use it we haves to ask her if she minds movings. And then she gives me dirty looks – Jade dirty looks are scaries!

I don't minds spending time with the cats if they stay away from that soppy stuff!

I don’t minds spending time with the cats if they stay away from that soppy stuff!

And another thing them annoying cats do, every single one of them, is to pretends that they really, really likes me and comes in and rubs themselves against me when they sees me. Especially big Oskar when he comes in from outside and he’s really, really wet! I know they knows that I don’t go into for all that yeuchy cuddlings stuff and they’re just doing it to annoy me!

Jasper and feral 5

What on earth was that?!

My own cats are bad enough, but to add insult to injuries, them stupid wild cats have starteds hanging around the place, ’cause the humans told me it was mean to chase them and them cats realised I’m not scaries after all! And now they’re getting really cheekies. They’ve come up and annoyeds me while I was sleeping outside and the other day I was coming back from going to the toilet and one was standing in my way and bonkeds me on the nose when I tried to walk past him! I mean, the nerve!

Something has to change!

Something has to change!

So, I reckons they all haves to go before the wild cats all moves in too and the doggie AND the humans all ends up sleepings on the floor. One doggie should be enough for the humans, they don’t need cats as well.

Save a poor doggie from having to sleep in a carboard box!

Save a poor doggie from having to sleep in a carboard box!

So, if anyone wants any annoying cats, just calls me and I’ll arrange its. We’d better not tell the humans until they’re safely gone though, ’cause the humans likes them for some reason.

Oskar is OK, at least he mostly only steals the human's beds!

Oskar is OK, at least he mostly only steals the human’s beds!

I guess we could maybe keep Oskar though, ’cause Oskar does really loves me and I quite likes him…

Just remembereds that there's no cat food packets to lick out if there's no cats!

Just remembereds that there’s no cat food packets to lick out if there’s no cats!

And I just remembereds that I can’t steal the cat food if there’s no cats! I guess we’d better keep them after all. They’re not that bad now I comes to thinks about it… If I asks them nicely, maybe they will stick to stealing the human’s beds instead of mine.

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